There I was. Working an average shift at Starbucks, cleaning the store and organizing the Christmas merch on our wall. I had just dusted when it hit me – I had absolutely no clue what order to put these cups back in. I have a type of colourblindness called deuteranopia, which is a red-green deficiency in my eyes’ green cones. Here’s a diagram displaying the difference between normal vision and what I see.
I can often tell when something isn’t quite right with my colour vision, but I usually can’t tell what. Here begins my trifle with Christmas. Apart from purple, which I really can’t see much at all, red and green are like my kryptonite. From start to finish, Christmas is this giant greenish-brownish nightmare, and I’m sick of it.
I mean, look at these cookies. Don’t tell me those are all different colours. There will be no pulling of wool, red or green, over my barely-functional eyes. It’s like whoever designed our capitalist, modernized version of Christmas had it out for me, specifically. I’m thinking of starting up a line of all-brown Christmas merch. It’ll look ugly, vaguely off-putting, and there will be slight colour variations to make you question whether there’s really a design on it, or if the fifth cup of coffee in your hand was just a big mistake. Then you’ll all feel how I feel. And spoiler alert – the fifth coffee was a mistake. I know it’s finals season, but peppermint mochas don’t come cheap. I think from now on, I’m sticking with a black Christmas tree, like the one Amy Hannah talked about in her blog post earlier today. That’s all for me right now, though. These pictures are starting to give me a headache.